I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
