I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
