a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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