ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
