Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
