The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
