and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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