I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
