I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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