i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
