In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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