not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
