SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
