We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
