Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
