Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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