tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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