i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
