I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
