I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
