I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
