Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
