Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
