I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
