My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
