were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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