You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
