It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
