we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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