Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
