with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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