How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
