you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
