she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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