I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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