i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I think my nap took me to another dimension
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
