and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
