I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
