Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
