She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I love having hate sex.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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