I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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