So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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