I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
