During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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