why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
