Can i not drive my cunt home
Screwed.edu
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
