I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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