im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Randomize
