I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
