Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
