No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
