I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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